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I’m done. How do I be “done”?

9 September, 2015

Hubby left to work away on Monday morning. He barely said goodbye after not talking over the weekend that we moved house for our eldest with friends. 
He’d be gone until Wednesday night. 3 days. 3 days of silence beyond us being in the same room. He’s returned. Silence reigns
At one point I thought yelling at each other would be better than the silence but it wouldn’t. 
After he sat there for two hours without a word to me he announces that our best friend’s Dad in Ireland died. He’s known all day. 
I want to cut. I want to take pills. I want a to hurt on the outside like I hurt on the inside. 
I don’t know this man and I don’t like this man
Where to from here?!

Stress overload, high cholesterol and escape

3 September, 2015

Overloaded and trying to remain centred when back at work is tricky when you deal with so many different personalities. Let me explain…

I’ve just had two weeks off work. The first week was spent showing my Dad from Ireland around and just hanging out with him. Then we packed him off on the plane, chilled for another week with a couple of dates out for hubby and I and all too soon it was back to work with an element of dread.

As it happened, just prior to Dad’s visit, I was at my GP and he suggested that I increase my Prozac by one to get me out of a funk I’d fallen into after having a grandchild born, told I had high cholesterol and a “fuck it” attitude.

So I was apparently good while he was here. Hubby noted it and then I reduced back to my usual dose of 2. A week later I’d fallen into another funk so I’ve upped them back to 3 again to get me through PMS and whatever else is going on in my body.

Coming back to work with this funk happening was really hard and on Tuesday I found myself hypersensitive to noise, colleagues talking loudly from their offices, noise on the street and a general cacophony happening that I took 50mg Largactil to chill a bit after a moment’s hesitation thinking that I could deal with it without meds for a bit.

After hubby mentioned my low mood, I noticed my snapping and general low mood I decided to go back up to the three Prozac and see where my mood goes from there. The flip side of the Prozac is that I am waking up at stupid o’clock and have had to up my Largactil at night to get me through to around 6am (which is only slightly less than stupid o’clock).

Yesterday I was questioning should I even be in this role at work. I was feeling so down that I just wanted to quit. It was a long day that I eventually got through with listening to TED talks, jumping on Facebook for a sanity break and running out for a coffee and walk in the middle of the day. I didn’t even eat, nor did I feel like eating.

Anyway, back to it today with people who work with people who flap, which makes them flap, which makes me feel bad for not knowing something I had no business knowing about and it’s sent me to blogging. It’s been a while…

Maybe work, in my current role, isn’t as healthy for me as I had hoped.

On another side… I’ve been told I have high cholesterol – 8.8mmol/l (or 340 mg/dl). I’ve gotten a heap of books out from the library, one – The great cholesterol myth : why lowering your cholesterol won’t prevent heart disease– and the statin-free plan that will – See more on this great book here

This was told to me on 4/8/15 or thereabouts. After I’d had blood taken for a Menzies study to see if I was suitable for the clinical study – I’m not.

So, changes I’ve made before I get blood taken again at the end of September to see if I can lower my cholesterol…

I’ve taken on a free gym membership offered by my workplace for 6 months – the plan is to train 2-3 times on the cross trainer/bike/rower and a little weights. I’m still juggling with kids and doing it consistently and the couple of times I had time to do it recently I didn’t have access to the gym! That is now sorted but we are moving our son this weekend so will be busy doing that instead of finding time in the gym…

In case you hadn’t noticed, or been aware, I hate the gym.

While I was on two weeks off I found an app called Fitbit which makes the phone into a fitbit and measures you out walking or active. This has been a little bit handy for spotting where I am active and how much incidental exercise I fit into my day. Coffee breaks can account for a 1.5-3km lunchtime walk each time depending on the city circuit I do.

Another thing that is timely is that our workplace was offering scholarships to a University of Tasmania online course on Health and Technology. Again, the only reason I actually signed up was to get a free FitBit. I have a pedometer at home but having something on my wrist rather than my trousers is much more convenient – I mean come on… a snazzy watch or some chunky block digging (or not) into ribs?!

Anyway, the uni course is designed around how we use technology to move more or less and how much time we end up sitting on our derriere during the day. Awareness is half the battle, right?

I also booked into a dietician to go over my diet – the upshot of that is that I am eating more nuts in my mid morning snack, I keep meaning to grab some olives but keep forgetting and I have reduced my full fat milk – of which I drink around 1.5 litres daily in my coffees or just straight – to Light milk. I have also doubled my Fish Oil tablets, taking a Blackmores Cholesterol health – plant statins and back on Vitamin D

To recap –

I’ve gone Light milk rather than full cream milk,

have a handful of nuts – walnuts, hazelnuts, almonds, macadamia, pecan, peanut and cashew mix – mostly organic and raw but the peanut and cashews are salted and roasted (it’s nicer than I thought it might be – not bitter)

I do cardio in the gym

I am getting my thyroid function tested (possibly re-tested but we don’t have a record that it was done at my current GP who had initially diagnosed my depression and believed he would have had my TSH

Taking Cholesterol Health plant statins, doubled my fish oil to over 1000mg EPA and added vitamin D in again

My blood pressure is normal and while I was extremely anxious when hubby was undergoing chestpain and angiogram I was getting sympathetic pains and also had a clear ECG. I will ask my GP if doing an angiogram or a referral to a cardiologist is warranted but that current read (above) is guarded against the decision to go on statins for purely high cholesterol.

Oh, and then there is the onset of menopause to contend with – whether that’s starting or not…

Joys having turned a grandmother 4 weeks ago – she’s cute!


Exodus 13 Luke 16

20 July, 2015
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Exodus 13

““Dedicate to me every firstborn among the Israelites. The first offspring to be born, of both humans and animals, belongs to me.”” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭13:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The firstborn is always the important one. 
““On the seventh day you must explain to your children, ‘I am celebrating what the LORD did for me when I left Egypt.’ This annual festival will be a visible sign to you, like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. Let it remind you always to recite this teaching of the LORD: ‘With a strong hand, the LORD rescued you from Egypt.’ So observe the decree of this festival at the appointed time each year.” ‭Exodus‬ ‭13:8-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Cause for celebration. A reason to remember. 
A firstborn donkey may be bought back from the LORD by presenting a lamb or young goat in its place. But if you do not buy it back, you must break its neck. However, you must buy back every firstborn son.” ‭Exodus‬ ‭13:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is a big commitment. It also goes towards prosperity 
““And in the future, your children will ask you, ‘What does all this mean?’ Then you will tell them, ‘With the power of his mighty hand, the LORD brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery.” Exodus‬ ‭13:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And to God will go the glory
Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for Joseph had made the sons of Israel swear to do this. He said, “God will certainly come to help you. When he does, you must take my bones with you from this place.”” Exodus‬ ‭13:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’m not sentimental when it comes to my body when I die. I don’t quite understand the point of honouring where the dead lie as opposed to where the living lived. 
The LORD went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. And the LORD did not remove the pillar of cloud or pillar of fire from its place in front of the people.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭13:21-22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This would have been spectacular to see
Luke 16

““The rich man had to admire the dishonest rascal for being so shrewd. And it is true that the children of this world are more shrewd in dealing with the world around them than are the children of the light.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭16:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’ve noticed this. People I know will cut corners, work favours, schmooze and in some ways always fall on their feet. 
Here’s the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home.” Luke‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We should network and make connections though
But that doesn’t mean that the law has lost its force. It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the smallest point of God’s law to be overturned. “For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭16:17-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬
Ouch. Not something we want to hear much of in this society. 
““Finally, the poor man died and was carried by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried, and his soul went to the place of the dead. There, in torment, he saw Abraham in the far distance with Lazarus at his side.” Luke‬ ‭16:22-23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I remember doing mimes in Bible Camp as a kid and this was one of the stories we did for the other group to guess. It gives us a glimpse into the world of the dead though, the “here-after”. 

Exodus 12 Luke 15

19 July, 2015
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Exodus 12

Announce to the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each family must choose a lamb or a young goat for a sacrifice, one animal for each household.

“Take special care of this chosen animal until the evening of the fourteenth day of this first month. Then the whole assembly of the community of Israel must slaughter their lamb or young goat at twilight. They are to take some of the blood and smear it on the sides and top of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the animal. That same night they must roast the meat over a fire and eat it along with bitter salad greens and bread made without yeast.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭12:3, 6-8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The instructions for Passover are very specific. The more specific an instruction the harder it is over time to get it just right. God had a purpose in that  
““These are your instructions for eating this meal: Be fully dressed, wear your sandals, and carry your walking stick in your hand. Eat the meal with urgency, for this is the LORD’s Passover.

“Celebrate this Festival of Unleavened Bread, for it will remind you that I brought your forces out of the land of Egypt on this very day. This festival will be a permanent law for you; celebrate this day from generation to generation.
So the people of Israel did just as the LORD had commanded through Moses and Aaron. And that night at midnight, the LORD struck down all the firstborn sons in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sat on his throne, to the firstborn son of the prisoner in the dungeon. Even the firstborn of their livestock were killed. Pharaoh and all his officials and all the people of Egypt woke up during the night, and loud wailing was heard throughout the land of Egypt. There was not a single house where someone had not died.” Exodus‬ ‭12:11, 17, 28-30‬ ‭NLT‬‬
We don’t know the date that Moses went to Pharaoh but we know this, something happened on the 10th and the selection of sheep or goats lasted until the 14th. Four days of readiness, urgency and preparation. The Egyptians would have been watching the frenetic activity and wondering what was going on perhaps. 
““These are your instructions for eating this meal: Be fully dressed, wear your sandals, and carry your walking stick in your hand. Eat the meal with urgency, for this is the LORD’s Passover.

Pharaoh sent for Moses and Aaron during the night. “Get out!” he ordered. “Leave my people—and take the rest of the Israelites with you! Go and worship the LORD as you have requested.
All the Egyptians urged the people of Israel to get out of the land as quickly as possible, for they thought, “We will all die!” The Israelites took their bread dough before yeast was added. They wrapped their kneading boards in their cloaks and carried them on their shoulders. And the people of Israel did as Moses had instructed; they asked the Egyptians for clothing and articles of silver and gold.
That night the people of Israel left Rameses and started for Succoth. There were about 600,000 men, plus all the women and children. A rabble of non-Israelites went with them, along with great flocks and herds of livestock.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭12:11, 31, 33-35, 37-38‬ ‭NLT‬‬
600,000 men, plus women and children – big families. Herds and livestock. This would not have moved quickly. There was nothing “quick” about this trek. It was slow, laborious but with this huge sense of urgency and haste to just keep moving. Some would be able to pace it out but little kids, the elderly, the group is really only as fast as the slowest person. 
But any slave who has been purchased may eat it if he has been circumcised.

“If there are foreigners living among you who want to celebrate the LORD’s Passover, let all their males be circumcised. Only then may they celebrate the Passover with you like any native-born Israelite. But no uncircumcised male may ever eat the Passover meal. This instruction applies to everyone, whether a native-born Israelite or a foreigner living among you.”” Exodus‬ ‭12:44, 48-49‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So adding insult to injury there would have been some weak and tender men also slowing things down. Big hindrances
Luke 15
““If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders.

In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:4-5, 7‬ ‭NLT‬‬
It’s true. We fixate on what’s lost until we find it again. While it’s missing we yearn for it, think on it and worry for it. God does that for you and I. 
In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.”” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We are loved. Deeply. I’m not so good at accepting that wholeheartedly but I’m getting there. 

““When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:17-19‬ ‭NLT‬‬
This man had had everything. He took more than just wealth and blew it all on women and fast living before taking a lowly job as a pig herder. Talk about falling low but then he thought of where he came from. He wasn’t up himself enough to think he could get his inheritance back but was willing to serve. 
““So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.” Luke‬ ‭15:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Now God knows our heart but if this were true of a man his father would have no idea of his heart change when he was a distance off yet he was filled with compassion. The son could have chickened out and turned away. Lucky for us God knows us and loves us wholly. 
““But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.” Luke‬ ‭15:22-24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I wonder if we forget here that Jesus is telling us His Dad’s reaction, HIS reaction to the lost returning. We don’t just get a limp handshake, we get a passionate embrace and celebration put on for each of us. It might feel underwhelming putting a hand up in church or having a heart change in a field (like I did) but I can’t wait for the day I get to see my Jesus, my Jeshua, to hug Him tight and then stay wrapt in His presence. 
““The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him,” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I do have to wonder who this brother is. The person who grows up in church? The good child who never went off the rails? The hard worker? The Israelites? 
We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think we might all get a surprise when Jesus comes back and things go the way they should have gone. 

Exodus 11 Luke 14

17 July, 2015
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Exodus 11

Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will strike Pharaoh and the land of Egypt with one more blow. After that, Pharaoh will let you leave this country. In fact, he will be so eager to get rid of you that he will force you all to leave.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The beginning of the end. 
All the firstborn sons will die in every family in Egypt, from the oldest son of Pharaoh, who sits on his throne, to the oldest son of his lowliest servant girl who grinds the flour. Even the firstborn of all the livestock will die.” Exodus‬ ‭11:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There would be next to no one left unaffected by this. 
But among the Israelites it will be so peaceful that not even a dog will bark. Then you will know that the LORD makes a distinction between the Egyptians and the Israelites.” Exodus‬ ‭11:7‬ ‭NLT

Time to get ready…

Luke 14

For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”” Luke‬ ‭14:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Self explanatory really. 
After the servant had done this, he reported, ‘There is still room for more.’” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭14:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We are very lucky, as Gentiles, to be included in this invitation and that there is always room for the broken. The religious leaders should know better, the business men relied solely on themselves. Those who had least were given most. 
And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.” Luke‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Back in the day crucifixion was a common form of torture. I imagine that just like Jesus was to carry His own cross so too did anyone going before Him. This is a form of being responsible for your own life, punishment and death. 

Exodus 10 Luke 13

15 July, 2015
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Exodus 10 

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Return to Pharaoh and make your demands again. I have made him and his officials stubborn so I can display my miraculous signs among them. I’ve also done it so you can tell your children and grandchildren about how I made a mockery of the Egyptians and about the signs I displayed among them—and so you will know that I am the LORD.”” Exodus‬ ‭10:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Next time an obstacle comes up we need to know if it’s of God and the problems will cause more glory or if it’s a firm closed door in our face. 
If you refuse, watch out! For tomorrow I will bring a swarm of locusts on your country. They will cover the land so that you won’t be able to see the ground. They will devour what little is left of your crops after the hailstorm, including all the trees growing in the fields.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭10:4-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Locusts, voracious insects to decimate what’s left after the previous destruction that laid waste to the “mighty” Egyptians. 
Never! Only the men may go and worship the LORD, since that is what you requested.” And Pharaoh threw them out of the palace.” ‭Exodus‬ ‭10:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Bargaining when your back is in the corner, never a good look. 
Then the LORD said to Moses, “Raise your hand over the land of Egypt to bring on the locusts. Let them cover the land and devour every plant that survived the hailstorm.”” Exodus‬ ‭10:12‬ ‭NLT

God didn’t hang about being decisive and accepting this worthless compromise. It was all or nothing for Him. 
For the locusts covered the whole country and darkened the land. They devoured every plant in the fields and all the fruit on the trees that had survived the hailstorm. Not a single leaf was left on the trees and plants throughout the land of Egypt.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭10:15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Nothing but dust and wood would have remained, and in a very short time. 
Pharaoh quickly summoned Moses and Aaron. “I have sinned against the LORD your God and against you,” he confessed. “Forgive my sin, just this once, and plead with the LORD your God to take away this death from me.”

The LORD responded by shifting the wind, and the strong west wind blew the locusts into the Red Sea. Not a single locust remained in all the land of Egypt. But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart again, so he refused to let the people go.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭10:16-17, 19-20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So you think it was all good but AGAIN God hardens Pharaoh’s heart. He gave him relief but then stopped the Israelites through Pharaoh again. The Israelites must have been just as mystified if they were to escape their enslavement. 
During all that time the people could not see each other, and no one moved. But there was light as usual where the people of Israel lived.” Exodus‬ ‭10:23‬ ‭NLT

This would have been freaky to the people seeing this phenomenon. It’s freaky enough driving into our winter fog which threads down our main river. 
But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart once more, and he would not let them go. “Get out of here!” Pharaoh shouted at Moses. “I’m warning you. Never come back to see me again! The day you see my face, you will die!”” Exodus‬ ‭10:27-28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Again a compromise wasn’t accepted. 
Luke 13

About this time Jesus was informed that Pilate had murdered some people from Galilee as they were offering sacrifices at the Temple. “Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than all the other people from Galilee?” Jesus asked. “Is that why they suffered?

And what about the eighteen people who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them? Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem?” Luke‬ ‭13:1-2, 4‬ ‭NLT‬‬
We see this kind of questioning after many world crises. People ask and say, for instance, that the USA brought the 9/11 attacks on themselves for sinning. Jesus shows us clearly here that is not the right way to allocate blame. 
Then Jesus told this story: “A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. Finally, he said to his gardener, ‘I’ve waited three years, and there hasn’t been a single fig! Cut it down. It’s just taking up space in the garden.’ “The gardener answered, ‘Sir, give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and I’ll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. If we get figs next year, fine. If not, then you can cut it down.’”” Luke‬ ‭13:6-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is a stand alone lesson. And there could be a number of interpretations. Fig trees can take 4-5 years to mature before they give a consistent yield. The gardener knew this. 

Another thought could be that Jesus is the fig tree. His ministry was three years and still there seemed to be few people, little fruit for His effort. Did He need His disciples to be His yield in the forth year? The growth has been huge ever since then. 
He saw a woman who had been crippled by an evil spirit. She had been bent double for eighteen years and was unable to stand up straight.” Luke‬ ‭13:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I often see women like this hunched over and unable to look up. I have no clue if it’s demonic oppression or physical atrophy. I wish I had that wisdom. I wish I had the neck to risk asking for deliverance!
Yes, today, tomorrow, and the next day I must proceed on my way. For it wouldn’t do for a prophet of God to be killed except in Jerusalem!

And now, look, your house is abandoned. And you will never see me again until you say, ‘Blessings on the one who comes in the name of the LORD!’ ”” Luke‬ ‭13:33, 35‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Jesus announces where He will die. Did God abandon Jerusalem though? Is that why the house is abandoned?

Exodus 9 Luke 12

14 July, 2015
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Exodus 9

And the LORD did just as he had said. The next morning all the livestock of the Egyptians died, but the Israelites didn’t lose a single animal.” ‭Exodus‬ ‭9:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A sudden extinction of large herd animals would have been another visual shock to see and as time went on, the stench, unbearable. 

The ashes will spread like fine dust over the whole land of Egypt, causing festering boils to break out on people and animals throughout the land.”” Exodus‬ ‭9:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

With all the herd animals dead there would t be many left for this affliction, cats, dogs and pigs. 

But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and just as the LORD had predicted to Moses, Pharaoh refused to listen.” Exodus‬ ‭9:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I don’t understand why God would “harden Pharaoh’s heart”. And also, if He does that to a great leader He would equally do it to us lowly folk. 
By now I could have lifted my hand and struck you and your people with a plague to wipe you off the face of the earth. But I have spared you for a purpose—to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth.” ‭Exodus‬ ‭9:15-16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Lift your hand toward the sky so hail may fall on the people, the livestock, and all the plants throughout the land of Egypt.”” Exodus‬ ‭9:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We’ve all seen the freak hailstones on Facebook, huge balls of ice that shatter windows and dent car rooves. In a country that never sees such cold extremes in the lowlands the hail would have been both shocking and fatal to both people, plants and buildings that were not built to withstand this onslaught. 
Then Pharaoh quickly summoned Moses and Aaron. “This time I have sinned,” he confessed. “The LORD is the righteous one, and my people and I are wrong. Please beg the LORD to end this terrifying thunder and hail. We’ve had enough. I will let you go; you don’t need to stay any longer.”” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭9:27-28‬ ‭NLT‬‬
Pharaoh has lost his large animals, his herds, all dead. The rest of the animals are suffering from the terrible boils which take time to heal from. The stock in the fields are all destroyed, even trees. The workers have also been decimated. Servants killed by the hail. 
So Moses left Pharaoh’s court and went out of the city. When he lifted his hands to the LORD, the thunder and hail stopped, and the downpour ceased. But when Pharaoh saw that the rain, hail, and thunder had stopped, he and his officials sinned again, and Pharaoh again became stubborn. Because his heart was hard, Pharaoh refused to let the people leave, just as the LORD had predicted through Moses.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭9:33-35‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Thwarted again! Moses, the stubborn, pigheaded man. Would he have begun to hope or believed God and knew at the back of his mind it would fail again?

Luke 12

Meanwhile, the crowds grew until thousands were milling about and stepping on each other. Jesus turned first to his disciples and warned them, “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees—their hypocrisy.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’ve been in crowds of thousands. With everyone at similar heights and jostling each other, loud and in your face, it would be bedlam. Even talking to your close group of 12 would be nigh on impossible. 
Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear!” Luke‬ ‭12:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is why we shouldn’t just guard “what” we say but how we think – our heart. If we have a rough encounter is our default a curse or a prayer? It takes time and maturity to grow into grace that comes naturally. 
And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Luke‬ ‭12:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My hubby giggles at me whenever we talk closely lately. Apparently I’m going grey. He thinks it’s hilarious. I don’t mind if the red stays red though. I kinda like the idea of going silver and gold. Regardless I’m glad God knows how many of my volumous hair I have but more that He cares to know about something so “besides the point”. 
““Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”” Luke‬ ‭12:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’m not sure how “rich” my relationship is with God but I’d hate to lose what I have and I guess I can always work on more. 
““So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:32, 34‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Gives your Father GREAT HAPPINESS to give you the Kingdom”. Think for a moment how you feel when you give someone a gift. A special gift. Your heart swells, love grows and you want all the best for the other. This is a bare glimpse of how we thrill God
““I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning! I have a terrible baptism of suffering ahead of me, and I am under a heavy burden until it is accomplished. Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other!” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:49-51‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I’m curious as to what Jesus meant by “I wish it were already burning“. I get the burden He was under. I think this is one of the few times He points towards His trials to come. But back then the disciples didn’t know what was coming, what we know, nor the good that would come by this act. 
He came “to divide people”. If Jesus came to divide, to be divisive, to cause a stir in His 3 years of ministry then how can we be brazen enough to think our 60 plus years are going to be any less controversial to some.