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Dredging up the past and examining words

6 April, 2016

A restraint order had to be taken out by my partner against my ex. It was made final on Friday last and gives us some peace of mind with any further contact or approach to the house. Since doing the application I have investigated taking out a police family violence order out against the ex due to his ongoing harassment of contact, which he’s been told to stop.

I finally got around to gathering up just the Facebook messages – turns out there is 117 pages of conversation there between November and December when he was blocked!

I can’t say I’m proud to say I’m separated or that the separation is going well but I’m glad to be out of that and limiting the ex’s contact with me. I’ve blocked him on all social media since we split up with varying degrees of harassment from him.

I miss my kids though, who’ve been poisoned by the whole thing. I miss the everyday banter, the light chatter, the incidental news and even though I’ve been told it will get better this is the tough bit.

This morning I kicked my solicitor into high gear to tell the ex to stop all communication unless there is an emergency and then he can contact me through an emergency contact. I then bounced the final email access he’d had to me so I no longer see his emails on an almost daily basis, often in excess of 3 in a morning – this sets my mood off for the day and has me preoccupied at work, even without me responding to them.

I’ve been asked by the ex to meet for coffee – which in theory sounds fine but I expect that what starts out as ok would deteriorate just as our phone calls deteriorate with me getting angry, frustrated and loud, and him being all sanctimonious. Further “negative sentiment override” unfortunately.

And then there’s the trying to concentrate on work – easier when I haven’t been contacted by the ex. My head, while initially missing the expected contact – from the point of view that I don’t know when the next message might be coming, to the freedom when there has been two days of no contact. I still feel like I’m in fight or flight mode.

My partner has been wonderful though. Loving, tender, attentive and accepting that there needs to be discussion regularly about my ex for the meantime. I am more than grateful to have his love and cannot get enough of it.

In the meantime I have alienated children and the ex has approached our mutual friends asking them to choose to unfollow me. Talk about feeling betrayed by those you used to trust.

Sorry if my thoughts seem to be so disjointed about all of this – I’m new to the whole separation thing…


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