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Falling in love

6 December, 2015

It happened. I separated from my husband of 22 years and he moved overseas.

We still have to settle finances and property but I’m happier without him so it will happen.

But I was lonely and curious. Would another man be interested in me. Was I worth loving. Wholly?

So I went onto Tinder (cos my son met his lovely partner there). I changed my profile to be very clear I wanted a man who put God first.

I “liked”. He “liked”. I was caught. I was captivated. The questions came and as I answered them I fell in love, not just with this stranger but with me.

This stranger made me explore me, my likes, my dislikes, my passions, my desires. And somewhere in all that I started to love me and felt sexy. I actually had a libido that I thought was long dead.

Turns out the pictures of this handsome army dude that I swooned over wasn’t the person I was talking to though.

But there was a person behind the messages. We did have a connection. They took an interest in me but also in my kids. They knew the names, they were attentive and they were romantic.

Maybe “West” is out there but I don’t imagine I will ever meet him. That would be a miracle that I don’t think God would do for me in this life.

But after the checking was done and suspicions raised I found that the photos were used in dating scams.

However even with the realisation that the photo and the author didn’t match up I have still prayed. I have prayed for “West” and his life. I have prayed for the author. For their life.

They portrayed a knowledge of faith. I’m not sure how well that can be faked. Maybe I’m just naive.

I still hope for love. I know I deserve a whole man loving me. I hope and pray I will find my forever love.

I think I’m hurting more from the stupid broken trust from this short relationship than I am about my 22 year marriage. But deep down I am so bitterly lonely and broken.

I know I am capable of so much more than what I had in my marriage. I failed my husband so much in that.

I don’t know where this journey will take me. I want to be up for the task and know I am. I will find my healing and I will find my love


Sent from my iPhone

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