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Weight of the world on my shoulders

28 September, 2015

… And my house of cards is falling down around me.

This weekend I asked my husband of 22 years to move out. There has been a gradual distancing off since 2011 when I was diagnosed with major depression and numerous threats by him to leave.

Last week both he, and I, got the flu which moved him into another bedroom. I don’t want him back in our bed.

When he goes away for work it’s a relief. I feel as if I’m constantly on alert when he’s around and frankly, I’m exhausted.

My work is giving me grief about taking time off work sick too and I’m losing all credibility there as a bitchy environment is bred.

I want my buzz back, my happy back, but I just feel like an inch away from breaking down instead. I’ve made an appointment to see my psychologist. I still pause and do a minor body scan and focus on here and now with my meditation but not a sustained 30 minutes.

I’ve told some friends and they’ve been supportive, of both of us, I hate that it’s come to this but I can’t survive any longer like this.

Having a change of scenery at work this week and then a week off. Just need to get through the next 7 days.


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