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10 April, 2015

What is it?

Oxford dictionary:


1. the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.

“women bear children and take responsibility for childcare”

synonyms: authoritycontrolpowerleadershipmanagementinfluence;


“we train those staff who show an aptitude for managerial responsibility”

  1. the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.

“the group has claimed responsibility for a string of murders”

synonyms: blamefaultguiltculpability, blameworthiness, liability

“the organization denied responsibility for the bomb attack at the airport”

In my mindfulness I am having to take responsibility for my practice – hubby is not joining in or reminding me to do it. I haven’t yet set phone reminders to do it but I have set my morning alarm to go off earlier to allow for me to do it.

In many things I will take responsibility – I will do some things around the house – ok, I’m being stubborn about the curtains – maybe because it ticks hubby off so much. But I will wash up, cook, vacuum, check on kids (teens), ask how their day has gone etc.

Hubby has been grumpy the last couple of days.  Last week I saw a Facebook status of his reminding friends of our Paris marathon anniversary.  I didn’t dwell on it much more than that.  This last week has seen him angry, impatient, things going difficult at work with systems failing and then this morning the Facebook status (after a frosty ride into work) says it is a year since his father died.  My bad!

I mean yes, I knew it was last year but honestly it’s over and the man was  a stranger to us – but typical hubby has probably been stewing over this and run to Facebook land for some sympathy because he’s become inept at talking with us at home.

So responsibility… he is responsible to acting childlike to our teens.  Likewise I am responsible for dealing with my emotions and feelings of resentment that grow towards him.

This morning for instance – I was conscious of being half awake and in a dream state before my alarm went off.  This morning I was going to try meditating (concentrating on my breathing for now) and I set 20 minutes on my timer.  I had set up a room last night and figured that I could seclude myself off in this now unused room.

I made it through the meditation time, went downstairs to make my latte and instead of going to bed (where it was warm and cosy) I sat on the couch with our mumma cat and her 4 kittens while checking Facebook, and Instagram.

Hubby came down and seemed to be ready early to leave, he got breakfast for himself (sighing loudly when the cat yeowled) and then went out to feed our chickens and duck.  I went to get ready and when I came down he was waiting in the car to leave.  As I was leaving one dog was eating and the other burst out the door ahead of me.  This dog seems to think he can run and wander the neighbour’s all day and if you call him he will bolt – drives me nuts – so I ignored him and had to kick the other mischief maker back in as pack instinct took over and he would have run and taken the other idiot with him.

A choice name was called to the dog as I walked to the car and as he didn’t run (because I ignored him) I put my bag in the car and called him to me and he came.  I took hold of his collar and calmly walked him down to our fenced pool area (where he can’t escape from yet) and he was locked up – goal to me! And I was calm, not frustrated.

No sooner did I sit in the car hubby pointed out the time to me saying it was 7.38am.  I think I agreed with him and then we had silence on our 25 minute car journey to work.

Sure I could have talked to him but he’d set the tone for the drive.  He made no further effort to talk and neither did I.  When we came to a stop he went to give me a peck on the lips and I said “you might be late” and left the car.

So responsibility… I was responsible for being late leaving – but it’s school holidays and traffic was light that we didn’t end up late. I was responsible for not initiating any conversation on the drive in. I was responsible for not reaching over halfway and giving hubby a peck on the lips.  I was responsible for getting into my office early to start the day.  What was he responsible for?

He is responsible for what he said, does, thinks and feels.  I have to stop taking responsibility for him and his reactions.  This is not an easy thing to do.  I also have to try and deal with my own reactions and my own behaviour and be gracious where I want to be mean.

My job is one where taking responsibility for ones own behaviour is paramount.  Maybe that’s my “justice” issue.

Now I need to be responsible for doing my job conscientiously


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