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Catch up

19 September, 2014

Yes, it’s been a while. No excuses. I’ve had plenty to write about but no motivation to get off the mindless Facebook to do something that may actually help me.

So many topics to talk on… Gluten free living, anti-depressants changing, relationship improving and de-volving, daughter doing better and getting involved in church.

But first – my photo today is ‘even’. I was thinking along the lines of ‘even keel’, level and took a picture of my Prozac tablet – supposedly keeping me even.

Although this morning I’ve had it repeated to me that I’m putting my eldest’s girlfriend under pressure by talking to her about gluten free living, makeup, uni and anything else we actually talk about – often at her initiation.

As I stood at my coffee machine heavy hearted again unbidden thoughts of dying came to mind. How else can I silence myself? How else can I stop offending people by being outspoken? Am I that emotionally fragile that I can be shaken by so little – yet it comes on the back of being silenced for years as a child.

I’ve had two weeks off work with nothing planned, no money for treats or trips to escape the humdrum. The first week our daughter was home sick for a couple of days. The second week hubby was home a couple of days. I turned to work I’d brought home as entertainment.

In the last month (more for my daughter) we have tried to eliminate gluten as being the culprit for her illness, vomiting, nausea and occasional headaches. While we thought we’d figured out that it was gluten that was the trigger it turned out it was the hidden gluten that was doubly affecting her.

Where I thought there was no gluten in a meal I found I’d laced the food with gluten and she’d had a larger portion than she would have. So that set her back up to three days at a time. It took to reading labels on tuna cans, soy sauce and bbq sauce to realise my error.

So being purposeful I also decided to purposefully avoid gluten. I’ve had gut reactions for years and just fobbed it off. I’d cut back eating bread but didn’t realise about the hidden gluten or ever be purposeful about eliminating gluten for a while to see how I reacted.

So in this last month I noticed that I’ve been awake at the crack of dawn, I have energy for the day, I haven’t been bloated or massively symptomatic. When I have gone with something suspect (Hula Hoops) I noticed that while I didn’t have an immediate reaction I did a couple of days later with headache and gut cramps.

I haven’t purposefully taken a large amount of gluten – like a piece of fresh bread or cracker, cake (and boy do I miss some things) but I’m trying to make sure I find good gluten free (naturally) food or using gf flour.

I feel like I’m a burden asking for something different, asking for the alternate, questioning (even in a gf and vegan café) that the food can possibly exclude gluten and be so good! My eldest (whose girlfriend is gluten intolerant – by elimination not diagnosis) is intolerant of his sister and I seeming to get on this ‘bandwagon’.

My daughter feels like she’s seen too many doctors, psychologists or anyone else. She has actually made it to school all five days this week and has been feeling better physically than she has done all year.

I feel like getting back to work will be a relief!


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