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Clusterfunk of a weekend

1 June, 2014

Clusterfunk (the polite non-military version): A series of unpleasant events that escalade into a huge problem totally blown out of perportion (sic). Via Urban Dictionary

As well as yesterday going bad up until I blogged it just continued to deteriorate today.

Hubby announced yesterday he wanted to come to church. Hubby hasn’t gone to church in ages and his latest stance is hostile on one hand and curious on another.

Saying he wanted to come along with us was a bit of a turn. Of course when I asked “why?” He turned on me, misinterpreted my question and answered “no one wants him anywhere”.

Actually I wanted to know why he wanted to come to church after so long.

This morning I was awakened around 7.30am. Hubby tried snuggling up behind me and put an arm around me before suddenly getting up and going downstairs.

I went to our daughter’s room but she was still hostile telling me to “go away” and no she wasn’t coming to church.

Hubby came to me again mentioning about church and when I again asked “why?” I got another hostile answer and he wouldn’t bother to which I bitchily responded “of course you’d say that!”

So I was alone going to church. I was furious. Furious at myself for giving in and being such a bitch. For being so confused at hubby’s interest to allow him affect my response. Furious and hurt that I wouldn’t have the time with my daughter. I missed her.

So I yelled as I got in the car. Angry. I reversed the 4wd and turned the wheel hard sliding sideways. Then I cried in frustration and anger.

I hurtled down to our gate and cried and wailed some more in my anguish. I sat a moment and gathered myself. Finally I drove through the gate and screamed at it. Slammed it against the gate post a few times and slammed a heel into the ground cursing Satan for winning this battle.

I wondered what would be so special about church today that he would try and fight my daughter, hubby and I from attending. I wouldn’t be let down.

Satan should know by now I’m stubborn. Too stubborn to allow my pride to keep me away. No matter what my heart struggled with.

I’m not “proud” I made it to church. I’m humble and thankful that God met me there in my pain.

So here are my notes from today:

Phil Dooley
A new normal

Change
Thinking
Vision

Discipline

The disciplines we have today will define where we’ll be in the future

Rev 3:19
Heb 12:7

Discipline – any activity that makes the future you say “thanks”

Heb 12 1-12 msg

Not everything perfect but making choices

Dream
Believe
Walk

God puts a dream in your heart
I gotta believe He can do it in me
Walk them out

I only ever have NOW and it will become the FUTURE ME

Tension of the now

Paul – Rom 7:19 do what I don’t want
1 Cor 9:24 run

Discipline overrides feelings

3 John v2

Discipline prepares you for the battles of life

Matt 26:39-43
Jesus steps into the disciples world on the middle of His battle

As you discipline yourself it’s amazing what God will bring me into

Make the choice that discipline will be your friend

As I sat in church before the message the first boppy sing came on. I finished my coffee and went in. The next song came on. A version of Our Father. The next song (The Creed) I Believe.

As I reached out to God He reached down to me in my hurt and pain and I declared that I did believe in God. I said I loved Him. I said I needed Him in all my failings.

I didn’t stay for chats afterwards. I went to complete my work I’d left to do. I went to collect the eldest’s girlfriend and started to blog.

As I made my way home I vented with B. As I drove up our driveway I was met by a scowling face of hubby as he was heading out for a run. Well no improvement there then.

Our daughter however apologised to me and we hugged with me telling her I’d missed her and asking her what was going on.

Frustrations spilled out from her and I tried to hear her. She thinks I’m in my phone too much. Something I’ll need to keep an eye on.

Hubby on the other hand has been inconsistent. He confuses me by offering to help and then putting limits on that help.

He’s away two nights this week. I hope it will give us a break we need.

Pip

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