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Recap Europe trip

4 May, 2014

I said I’d blog my trip but three weeks later I still haven’t done it. Instead I come home from work tired, lazy and reluctant to make a point of typing up an email. Life has returned to normal and we have settled into a family routine of me avoiding hubby and him distancing himself from us all on his computer.

Our trip consisted of 4 nights in Paris, a marathon, lots of wine and exceptional food. Terrible coffee and walking almost as far as the marathon. Our friends with us were the only highlight as my frustration with hubby grew at each airport stop where he would disembark a plane and walk with his head tilted down into his iPhone.

In fact the only time hubby and I talked in any length was at the end of the trip when we were on the EuroStar train from London to Paris when there was no wifi signal and therefore no internet.

When we arrived in Ireland there was the stressful collection of the hire car – they wanted money we didn’t have. Eventually the company credit card bailed us out but things could have been much easier if hubby had just been there with me rather than hanging out for a signal and the pretence he was getting bags all that time.

On our way from the airport to our accommodation we stopped by hubby’s parents where we were met with a skeletal remnant of a man who snapped at every little thing his wife offered. We didn’t think too much of it at first but after our second visit I could see a lot of his Dad in hubby. I didn’t like what I saw and when I said it to hubby he denied it (of course).

What we found out in the couple of days to follow was that Father in law continued to physically abuse his wife of 47 years up until December and continued to brainwash her up until the day he died telling her she couldn’t do anything without him. I can’t believe she remained with him through all of the abuse.

Aside from hubby spending time with his parents I got to spend alone time with my Dad, finally able to say the truth in more detail about our marriage. I also had time with my niece (6 years my junior), my sister (11 years my senior) and my brother (16 years my senior).

I was driven around my home county – the one I adopted, and I soaked in the lush green grass and the new spring growth. We ate food together and I revelled in the flavours of home – bread, homemade marmalade, brown bread, sausages and biscuits.

I left hubby to do his family to himself as much as possible and then it came to visit friends over the Irish Sea. Hubby confronted me at one stage blaming me for my bad attitude. More conflict. As if I was going to turn on some fictitious “happy switch”.

24 hours into that short trip we received a phone call saying his Dad had been given 2 hours to live and we decided to start heading back to be with hubby’s mum regardless of whether his Dad lingered or not. As it turned out he died within the 2 hours and we now had a cremation to organise.

The funeral director was great though and organised things in amazingly swift timing. The cremation would be in 2 days and the ashes available that night. FiL didn’t want his family there or told about it and so it was to be a very small affair, with friends of hubby’s mum there and my family.

We scattered some of FiL’s ashes on a beach before we left the country and said our goodbye’s to friends as we began our trip back to Australia. Thankfully we again fell into the arms of our friends in Paris and had a fun final night before the long haul flights.

I haven’t yet processed all the trip. I am finally over the jetlag though and back to work fully and feeling competent so that is good. I’ve booked to see my psych and reduced my meds – as per hubby’s instructions. I’ll go into how all that is going another blog though.

So people asked how the trip went – highlights of Paris and the marathon – lowlights of cremating hubby’s father. Now we watch from afar how his mother copes with being alone and abuse-free. I keep meaning to shoot her a message (she’s learning how to text) so she has my number.

Hubby plans to go and get her in November and have her visit for a while. I want to see her apply for her passport independently of hubby pushing her, so I know it’s what she wants rather than him controlling her. In one way it will be nice having her around and in some ways I cringe as the way hubby talks at her can cut me to the quick.

I’m in a very mixed place emotionally.

Pip

Sent from my iPad

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