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Plum tuckered out

17 January, 2014

It’s been a heck of a week. Hubby and I haven’t gotten along. Work has been so busy and a very thankful distraction. I’ve taken on more responsibilities and have more coming.

I guess part of the problem with hubby and I is a real fear that if I allow myself to open up to him and be vulnerable then I will get hurt by him, again.

Another part is that every time I do say something I get shouted at and told I’m to blame (maybe in varying forms). It’s emotionally exhausting.

I don’t think hubby even realises that he is making plans without us or without telling any of us.

He heard news from Ireland that his Dad was ill. I may have shared that the first I saw any feelings in relation to him was at marriage counselling last week.

Yesterday hubby was woken with a phone call from his Dad. Next thing I know he’s leaving for work and didn’t try and update me. I was absolutely flat out once I arrived in work and eventually took a call from hubby.

His Dad is terminally ill but instead of telling me face to face he told Facebook. When I countered that that wasn’t good enough he tried to justify his actions. When I again said Facebook was an inappropriate way for me to find out he was still defensive. I hung up on him.

This morning I tried to give him an opportunity to tell me about it. After that I asked how his recent doctor’s appointment had gone as he’d been reducing the level of Pristiq to see if he had less serotonin-related symptoms.

He retorted it was between him and his doctor. He hasn’t shut me out like that in a while. He then said, “when are you going back?” to me. Saying my behaviour has been off the show since before Christmas (when he started to reduce the Pristiq) and how friends had commented on it.

When I replied that I couldn’t do like he did with his family but putting a false face on things he threw back in my face how I’d been to a psychiatrist when I was 7 years old.

Stoney silence reigned in the car until I got out and again I was saved by a busy morning at work.

I told him to make our next appointment with the marriage counsellor. He asked me out for an icecream after work and I’m sorry but I just can’t face him like that and when he questioned my behaviour (again) I told him he won’t listen and then proceeded to have another rant.

So it’s now time to wind down. We’ve had 38 degrees C (100F) of muggy weather today. I’ve had the upper limit of sun on my back without going red but I’m restless and tired.

I’ve finally stopped to take a breath and I feel like the day has finally hit me. I’m ready to curl up and not face confrontation.

I’ve been criticised because I’m on my phone (while hubby is on his laptop). I’m trying to prioritise time chatting with the kids instead of burying my face in my phone.

Yet it seems I’m always in the wrong.



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