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A funny coincidence

2 January, 2014

Yesterday my mood was fine. Today leaving work my mood fell into a deep dark hole.

Yesterday I went for a kayak. We set off around 11.45am and paddled upstream against the tide. There were a few moments where I wanted to give up but the reward of company and fish and chips beckoned.

Once we reached our destination there was some down time on the still dock water, time to leave the kayaks for dry land, back onboard and a chance to listen to the festival music from the water.

The return trip was with the tide and the run back was so much easier. The effort to get back seemed so much less than earlier.

Car reloaded we headed home and I got magnesium onboard to deal with the muscle recovery.

Went to bed at a half reasonable time and put the light out pretty quick. Roll on to 5.30am and the dumb blonde woke me up whining and a howling wind battered the house.

So there was no getting back to sleep and a cat squealed outside in delirious panic and then snuggled up for some cuddles.

I drove alone to work and wasn’t dreading the return knowing I wouldn’t be too overworked as I prepared for a greater load next week.

Roll on the end of the day though after having lunch out with hubby and colleagues and my mood dropped suddenly.

I read something where a person threatened to take meds to suicide. All the walk to the car my thoughts grew darker and I saw an oncoming bus.

Thoughts of stepping in front of it loomed. Thoughts of recklessly driving my car loomed. Thoughts of taking off my seatbelt prior to impact.

I finally got home and hubby was waiting for me to go for a run. Instead of just turning him down I ended up snapping at him.

After he returned from his lengthy solo run I had wanted to take the dogs out for a walk and fresh air. Instead I’d watched a movie with the kids.

It was as I came back from taking photos of sunrays in the evening sky that hubby said he was feeling his best on the lower meds and he has less side effects.

He suggested I lowered my meds. As it happened I had just stocked my pill dispenser with a higher dose for the next week.

Then I got to wondering (as I do). I sleep on caffeine. Exercise doesn’t usually release happy endorphins in me, instead leaving me tired rather than energised.

Could I possibly react differently to the exercise endorphins and could I possibly be on an endorphin dump?

Something for me to ponder

Pip

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