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Fear of bedtime

1 October, 2013

It’s been quite a while since I last feared bedtime but that feeling is back again with a vengeance only this time the days are filled with lack of enthusiasm too.

Sunday night I had a night of tossing and turning, unable to sleep and seeming to wake often and glance at the clock or listen to rain.

Last night, as I lay on the couch unable to nap, I decided to have an early night and took 75mg of Largactil around 8pm.

I went to bed to read and wind down. It didn’t work. I read but didn’t get heavy eyes. I put my book away and closed my eyes. I concentrated on my breathing but sleep didn’t come.

Finally at 11.30pm I got up and got some hot milk. Back to bed I tossed again and when I saw the clock read 2.30am I went down and threw caution to the wind.

I took 200mg of Largactil and disappeared into a sleepy haze of dreams. When I finally woke this morning it was after 10.30am.

I wanted to stay in bed this morning and read but my daughter, on mid term break, dragged me down to the family’s company to watch Doctor Who.

I snuggled under a kid’s doona (duvet) and barely moved. Reading, Facebooking, drinking lattes and cuddling a dog or child, whichever came close.

Hubby came home from work and ungraciously told me to make him a bacon sandwich. He was busy getting frustrated at a shocking internet speed and a dying iPhone which was even slower.

So here I am, 10pm and dreading bedtime. Many nights I go to bed at 9.30pm but not tonight. I sit here, having taken 75mg of Largactil and enjoying my late night latte, my eyes starting to sting, but thinking of venturing to my bed isn’t high on my “to do list”.

These last few nights have been tormentuous (sic). Broken sleep, up for a toilet stop, looking at my clock through blurry (short-sighted) eyes and sore, stinging eyes during the day.

I suppose I have to face my fears


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