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What a difference a day (or two) makes

28 September, 2013

Thursday I was a puddle of tears all day. I left my desk at one point and sat on the floor in the toilets crying!

On Thursday evening I made the decision to go in to work for Friday morning and leave at 12 to go to my eldest’s coffee extravaganza and birthday celebrations.

I was still flat but worked away on mindless stuff and noticed my attitude change to “I’m over caring” around 11.45am. I was done.

A short while later I rocked up at our cafe and a piccolo was placed into my hand. I sat in the corner and watched from a distance.

A short while later another coffee was in hand and another in the boy’s and I perked up and made more social talk. One more coffee each and the main celebrations wound down.

I went and got my phone back, swapped a cardigan for a smaller size and then was at the eldest’s mercy so we went to a local tattoo and piercing salon where the boys shot the breeze for almost an hour.

Back to the coffee shop with my phone on bare skeleton so I couldn’t let the youngest boy coming in from school know where we were until he texted. An iced coffee this time for both of us.

The cafe then closed for the day and we thanked them profusely for spoiling us and allowing us all to invade their little shop for the day.

Time to meet hubby and middlest and then we went out for birthday burgers at a place the eldest raves about.

I shared three mini burgers with the youngest boy and was glad I did. As mini as they were (and they were smaller than sliders) they were gourmet all the way with duck fillet in hoisin sauce, fillet mignon and bacon and blue swimmer crab with chunky fries and delicious aioli.

Home by 7pm we watched Gatsby as I restored my iPhone and I was surprised when I didn’t call it a night until 10pm.

Bed and I didn’t even read and had what I thought to be a solid sleep. I was therefore surprised to find the time was 7.33am and I was wide awake!

The youngest boy was downstairs bright and early playing our new PS2 game, Rayman Legends that we got in the mail.

I made a latte, took my tablets and took it back to bed after checking my iPhone had fully restored. I got back into bed and hubby had fallen back asleep after watching some program in his iPad.

I noticed my mood was brighter though. I tried to encourage the beagle to come up to our end of the bed. I enjoyed listening to a crazy bird singing outside our window. I even chatted to my Dad for way longer than usual when he called.

So what happened? Well on Tuesday night I decided to try and reduce my Largactil (75mg from 100). I had a light sleep. Wednesday I was ok emotionally but annoyed by “D” coming in all the time.

Wednesday night I took 75mg again. I slept fine. Thursday I was my emotional mess, crying at nothing and unable to speak to my GP or get in to see him.

Thursday night I took 200mg of Largactil. On Friday my blood pressure must have been low as crouching down led to head spins but it was a slightly better day.

Friday night I took 75mg. Woke early without an alarm call and can remember some trippy dreams involving guns and church (weird teaching matter).

That is the only med I’ve fiddled with, the Largactil. Nothing I haven’t done before or been advised not to do as I try and wean myself off them.

I found it hard to believe I was in a much chirpier mood this morning. Much more like my old, happy self. Although I did feel beat after getting my nails done and getting my youngest boy some treats in our local market.

Right now I’d like to take a nap but it’s Grand Final Day and the eldest needs a lift home from town. There goes that idea!

Was a day off work the trick? Was a day hanging out with no agenda and no compulsion to spend money (other than for a coffee) all that I needed?

I wish the solution was clearer than it is so I can repeat it again when necessary. I’ve had to ride this stumbling block without my psych, GP or anyone else really.

Hubby was great when I’d sent him a text saying “I’m not ok” on Thursday. He was tender and understanding and let me make my own mind up as to how I would handle the rest of the working day.

It’s been a rough few days. Glad I’m through them. I get my first tattoo in two weeks and already I am planning my next. Text to say, “This too shall pass”, to remind me that the lows are as temporary as the highs.

I will survive!


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