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Sulks and hurts

29 August, 2013

The last few evenings have been difficult for me. Heck, the last few days have, for differing reasons.

Sleep seems to have been solid and I’m woken by my daughter’s alarm followed by mine and then the youngest boy’s. Mine gets put on snooze though. Otherwise I think I’d fall asleep again!

After “throwing a sickie” and taking Monday off as an unplanned day’s leave the days flashed by with specific things happening each day.

I struggled in my concentration this week. I tried taking on a new task and I’ve to get my head around that. I also chaired more than I expected on Wednesday but that went well.

This morning was such a battle though. I changed flights interstate. I called our insurance to re-present a payment. I changed a nail appointment. I did my primary role but found I’d stall and wonder what the next step was.

Then there’s the evenings. I’ve tried not to let it get to me but its the continual barbs that wear you down, isn’t it?

Tuesday evening we got in the door. Tired. Hungry. Grumpy. I was asked what was for dinner and the middlest ended up getting yelled at by me saying “It’s not just a woman’s task!”

Gah! The chauvinism!! Hubby made himself scarce into his computer and when he came to the couch a short time later then announced he was off to bed (around 7pm!).

The middlest cooked for him and hubby and when hubby took off he ended up with all the food on his plate. When he’d had his fill he took his leftovers up to hubby who ate it in bed.

Then last night… Again tired and hungry getting in after work. At least not so fractious, the middlest and I collaborated on dinner while hubby was on his computer again.

Tonight it was a night of leftovers with steak and kidney casserole. Hubby didn’t tell me what he was doing but I figured since he wasn’t at his computer or in the lounge he was changing for a run. I was right.

With no thought to the rest of us he took off. Then when he came back sat on his computer. When he did finally join us he went on his laptop and was syncing his watch.

I’m tired. My Largactil is giving me restless legs that I need to lie down almost to alleviate. Sitting in the lounge with my feet on the coffee table just doesn’t stop the fidgets.

The sulks: Hubby is running the Melbourne marathon in October. He wanted me to join him there (not to run it) and a couple of friends are going too so we’ll bunk together in an apartment.

When we were there I was trying to book in to get a tattoo. Hubby couldn’t wait for me to hear back from the studio and booked our flights.

The next day when I heard from them and how long to expect it to take I was so disappointed. I didn’t want to plan my piece to only get an outline done.

So I checked out the option for changing my return flight and it would also allow for me to stay with my brother one night before flying home.

When I told hubby of my plans on the way into work he pursed his lips and, in my mind, sulked. When I talked to him later he said he was hurt. Apparently there was a time I’d have asked him to stay on with me.

I just don’t get how he can disconnect when he’s at home. Criticise the kids and I. Be stressed and grumpy around us and then expect me to want to be around him.

He’s said in the past it’s him de-stressing by stepping away, but seriously?! It’s like he hates us all and can’t deal with any noise, chat, shared laughs or family.

The eldest sent me a text saying he’d been asked to move to Melbourne at the beginning of the year. He’d transfer one job and pick up others.

I hate to hold him back but I’ll miss him. I meet him every day in the city for coffee and he’s home drumming on the weekend. He calls everyday too and is crazily enthusiastic about life.

How do I release one who is level headed, enthusiastic, fun loving, crazy, uplifting, chatty and a great people person into the world?! Interstate even!! Oh help!

His mammoth message was sent to me. He wanted to meet and talk tomorrow about it all. I don’t know if he’s told hubby yet.

At least it’s someone else to visit!!

Pip

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