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A drink (or three) or no excuse

24 August, 2013

So things improve for me, emotionally, physically, mentally but things seem to have taken a turn for hubby.

In the last few weeks I’ve noticed that his meds haven’t been holding him where they should. He’s in a slump and our GP yesterday said he should increase his Pristiq from 150 to 200.

This morning while I was locking up the house he had a rage at our middlest for wanting to sit in the front of the car. Hubby thought I should sit there.

With his rage he then announced he wouldn’t take our son to a Uni open day a couple of hours drive away from home. I can’t do it. I’ve got an extension on my Uni assignment and I have to get it finished on Sunday.

Once we had got on the road hubby seemed fine until we dropped our daughter. He pulled into an odd spot for him to stop in and when she responded oddly he got mad.

He took off up the road excessively in a mad rage and refused to calm down for a good couple of hundred metres. He settled down until we had the car to ourselves and when I asked him about earlier he just yelled.

That conversation ended with him breaking down in tears and me seeing that the anger is just a cover for something much deeper going on.

Work went well though today with good headway being made in work, a bit of joking and just general bonding with colleagues.

After work the younger two met me and we went out for some food and to meet the other boys.

It was after we’d met up with hubby again I got another glimpse at his anger. This time in being short tempered with some simple indecision over what we were doing to kill time.

I sorted the kids out with tea and then it was time to meet a couple of friends for a beer sampling by a local craft brewer.

At first I thought “kill me now” but soon I enjoyed the stories of how each beer came into being, how their names evolved and I watched as our eldest and hubby sampled the flavours.

As the drinking started, 150ml samples of 9 beers in total by the finish, hubby was being stupid. He made silly jokes, behaving almost manic.

The evening drew to a close after an hour and a half and it was time to head to a regular pub nearby for a meal. We were late for our booking apparently and some guys took our table and refused to leave it when asked by staff.

We got seated at another table though and the five of us had a great meal and a good time until it was time to leave to get the rest of the family from youth.

Then the world turned upside down…

As we were leaving the guys who took our table gestured and said “there he goes” as my hubby walked out. He didn’t see that as he left but when we got out apparently the snoozers were gesturing at hubby through the window.

I don’t know where hubby’s brain went (after 3 pints maximum) but he went back into the pub. He let rip at the manager for their rudeness.

After a couple of minutes of him ranting we got him to leave but as he got to the door he turned and yelled at the manger.

Security outside turned to watch as we left the door and we were followed out by the guys who took the table. They were trying to make light of what had happened but hubby was furious.

He refused to listen to anyone and our friend and eldest ended up having to manhandle him. I told him I’d arrest him myself and slapped him twice to get him to focus on me rather than the blokes.

Again after a few minutes hubby was pushed down the road and around the corner. His friend pulled him away and they started walking.

Our eldest (who’d forcibly held his Dad back) was still around the corner so I went back to check on him. He was ok as he joined our friend and I.

As we walked up the street hubby was walking and his friend had his arm around his shoulder as they walked towards the car and our kids.

I waited for our friend’s wife as she’d had a procedure done on her foot earlier in the day. We talked about what had just happened and how extreme this behaviour had been.

It wasn’t so much that his behaviour was something we’d never seen before. Unfortunately we’ve seen this to some degree or other over the years. But to see it with a random, with such a small amount (I thought) of alcohol was just staggering.

We had a bit of a debrief time as we waited for youth to finish and say our goodnights. Hubby rejoined us and apologised with damp eyes. It was then that the wife told him how scared she was by his behaviour.

I hadn’t thought about that as I’d been standing between both hubby, son and stranger. I hadn’t thought about my personal safety as I’d stepped right into the danger zone had things gotten physical.

When I drove home I thought of what might have happened if the police were there. What if he were arrested? I’d have told them to throw the book at him. Lock him up for 8 hours.

Then I thought of our son. Thankful he was strong enough to hold his father back. Devastated he was put in this position.

I haven’t gotten to feeling mortified at how hubby behaved with our friends. The wife thinks he needs to do a 12 step program but without drink actually being the issue I don’t know if it’s quite right.

The eldest is now refusing to go away with hubby as planned to see Muse in December. The middlest still doesn’t want to go with hubby on Sunday.

I feel like I’m stuck in the middle.

Feeling a bit confused as to the next step.


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