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24 July, 2013 13:17

24 July, 2013

Last night my sleep was awful following my less than average feeling day. I went to bed early, couldn’t concentrate on my book and ended up putting it down. For a fleeting moment I had thought of taking 400mg Largactil but decided not to – sense prevailed – it’s 4 times my nightly dose!

I was aware of being up around 3.44am with a cat snuggled up next to me the obligatory toilet stop before going back to bed and tossing and turning with finance thoughts running through my head.

I thought I should write to the people we owe money to for bills recently and let them know why I hadn’t gotten around to paying them. If only there was a thought dictation app out there!

So the thoughts persisted until I seemed to doze off again until the alarm went off. This is supposed to be day 1 of 10 in a row. For me, not a morning person, I’m going to be SO tired by the end of it!

So I managed to sort out our insurance that got screwed up in my “mail-avoiding depression”. It just took an hour and a change of account. Hopefully this will mark the return of sensible financing (part of me doubts it).

As for the rest, well I guess they will have to take their turn. Wow, finance trouble on top of depression – that is a whole other kind of hell! I’m thankful, for now, that I can still manage to hold down my job and if I did have to take time off again I know I’m protected by sick leave and personal leave days.

Again this morning the emotions threatened to overwhelm as the obstacles seemed insurmountable. Hubby was gracious saying finances didn’t matter (as I took a call from a bank). A friend of ours had died due to a fire last week in the US and his attitude to life had shifted as a result of hearing the news last night.

So I showed up for work, wanting to sink to my knees in tears instead and while I was waiting to find out where I’d be working from today (I have to stalk spare computers of which are scarce) a friend of mine walked in. In the typical greeting, “How are you?” I lied, ducking the question and showing him who he needed to talk to before disappearing.

A short while later, ensconced in the boss’ office, privacy, stereo on and just getting on with my work I soon got into a rhythm. I have a view right over my computer screen of a tin roof filling half the window, then the head office block surrounded by a border of sky. I haven’t seen open sky from my office for a long time! It’s nice!

At least I don’t have to be something I’m not to paperwork. I’m tired though after my lack of sleep and the room where I need to swap work over is closed while there is some kind of private chat going on.

Are we there yet?


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