Skip to content

Motivation and enthusiasm

16 July, 2013

Yesterday was my first day back at work after my week off. I returned to the same tasks I had been doing before I left but not sure where I’d be working from. As it turns out my mentor is away so I am using her office and computer.

So why was it I am sitting in her office feeling like I couldn’t give a flying fig about work, life or anything else? Outside my office the state servant girls are chatting amongst themselves, people come and go outside my door and gather around the photo copier while swearing at it not working, again.

Seriously though, there is more activity outside of this office than there was in my other one at the end of the hallway. Are the blues just a post-holiday type blues or something more?

So I struggled through the day trying to stay connected and lunchtime came around for my coffee break, then the time when my kids should have come in after school, but they are still on a mid term break, then it’s home time.

I had emailed our kids old school about my daughter returning back there. With her headaches and seeming unhappiness I wanted to open up some options. An immediate response, which I was hugely appreciative of given it was term break.

I spoke with hubby on the way home and he said we’d talk more and talk to our daughter too. She was less than enthused when she heard him say that but what can I do, he wants to be involved.

We got home and I got stuck in with dinner, hubby went upstairs and then came down in his running gear to head out for a run. So this means he’s not around for dinner and not around for any time with me or kids, again.

My only thinking though is around getting dinner made and then getting into more Uni study for my assignment due Friday afternoon (so Thursday night for me). I have to do a “critical analysis” and it’s a foreign language for me, even with the study aids I feel out of my depth but I try and do it in bite size pieces.

My study chunk done, my daughter asks me if we can go to our Tuesday fortnight game of Mahjong and her chance to catch up with friends. When she’s told not this week I can’t spare the night out she is less than impressed. She tells me to study now so we can go tomorrow!

Not only have I planned study for after work today though, I am hoping to watch the latest rave review on tv – The Bible. Apparently 100 million US viewers turned it on when it released so I’m looking forward to a well presented and historically accurate rendition.

I have to think in these chunks not to get overwhelmed by the assignment, not to get overwhelmed that the day is dragging or not, that the work is unstimulating, that my life is drab and boring and I feel like throwing in the “depression” towel.

I had a good sleep last night, but waking this morning was hard. The alarm went off and I struggled (with my cat on my stomach) to turn my snooze on. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to start the day. I didn’t want to get going.

But get going I did. Coffee made. Meds taken. Lunch thrown into my bag. Dog fed. Cats fed. As I leave the house I say hello to the ducks and the male calls back to me. I barely raise a smile and I head to the car with hubby.

Hubby wants to discuss our daughter now. He has taken offence that he seems to have been excluded from the decision making process. Instead of then dealing with the issue of our daughter he continues on the offence of exclusion and then instead of hearing me talk says that I’m now shouting (talking with a firm voice).

I wonder how we’re ever going to get beyond things when hubby never listens to what’s being said but to “how” it’s being said. Hubby says I refused to go along for marriage counseling. Again, when I asked him when I said this it sounds like I said it in anger and frustration and he’s latched onto how I said it as well as what I’ve said.

Another email sent to our daughter’s current school and a wait to hear back. This time I’ve copied in hubby and he responds “Good email”. I feel like I should wag my tail. My eldest offers a coffee and wants time to chat. Something to brighten my day.

During our catch up I find he’s been out with his old girlfriend, misses her desperately but can’t quite get the pieces to fit into place to get back together again, yet. It’s nice that he confides this stuff in me but there is a catch, he wants me to bring a coffee to him in work later.

But my day and emotions are picking up slightly. Work is work. I have Adobe Flash Player working on my new computer and that enables TED videos to play again. What is it about TED that I find so inspiring?! Even in topics that have nothing to do with me generally I find an obscure interest. Work is less boring and I can concentrate more (I think).

My daughter’s school principle calls and we discuss her dissatisfaction. She gives me some advice and I take it all onboard. I’m trusting she has seen more unsettled kids than I have and will know my daughter will settle down even if she doesn’t quite get her own way in things.

I feel better having interacted with people today, my son, the principal and some colleagues. I have a new roster which is giving me some mid-week days off and working the weekend. Some time for myself without the kids!

I still need to find my mojo.


No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: