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Overwhelmed

10 June, 2013

Overwhelmed it would seem by very little. With that feeling my coping is shot. My concentration is down to a few minutes and I feel unsupported.

It’s my youngest’s birthday today. She’s 13. We’ve nothing big planned. A family dinner and she wants us to make cupcakes.

Hubby took her out for tea while he dropped the eldest off to work. While he was out it was as if he’d asked me for the impossible – to fix a curtain that a dog tore shortly after I’d first made them.

I did a halfhearted repair but there was no love in it. I even used dark thread in the light coloured material. But you can now no longer see the daylight in the missing chunk.

I sat down then and looked at my Uni study. I read a bit on how narrative therapy works, got the concept (I mean really “got it”) and started to read the next bit.

I got stuck. I got lost in the first paragraph. I went back to the top and tried again. I got stuck again. I closed my eyes and took some breaths. Nope. Finally I put it away.

Hubby came home with shopping and I put that away. Then made the mistake of checking my email on my phone.

One was from work about a job I hadn’t finished properly and being forwarded to my new manager also. From what I can see there is nothing further I can do without more info which just isn’t forthcoming. I’ve said this in the past but haven’t been listened to. Stress levels rose too.

Hubby railed that I’d done a half arsed job by not fixing a lining so I couldn’t even share with him about my drop in concentration.

I feel alone. I feel confused. I doubt myself being able to deal with my new role properly and that in turn adds to the stress load I’m putting on myself.

I feel all I’m good for is roles where no real concentration is required but even then I lapse. I never realised how much concentration was needed before I lost mine.

I don’t know how to get a way to work around this. I especially don’t know how to deal with this in a role that requires around 3 hours of concentration in one burst.

Thank God I can speak to Julie about this tomorrow!

On top of that my topic of photo today is “you”. I hate taking pics of me. It feels vain and I find looking at my pic off putting.

Cupcakes!

I feel like a failure :o(

Pip

P

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