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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

5 May, 2013

Tonight I was watching Elementry: “The Red Team” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2624868/?from_app=ios&mode=desktop

First though I’ll step back to yesterday. I had a chat with J (psych) and was talking about my job and how I had gotten to a point where I didn’t feel it was everything any more.

What I did see as maybe a distant possibility was me on an awareness role with psychology under my belt. Currently I’m not sure I could go back to frontline policing nor do I necessarily want to deal with the crap they deal with on a daily basis.

Fast forward to tonight and the opening scenes of Elementry, a show we enjoy as a family for its wit and humour, twists and turns. Imagine my horror then as I see the murder victim. Hanging. My heart stopped. My analytical brain kicked in going where’s the puddle of urine under the body?

In parallel to that thought was the visual of my first death as a newly qualified cop (5 years ago). A “concern for welfare” ended the worst possible way. I don’t even know how to process the after effects so many years on.

And now I’ve just seen a man-trap set to kill someone opening the door of an apartment – an officer being the victim. It was hard enough being in communications dealing with hearing a job “go off” and all you could do was sit there and listen.

My heart is heavy. My soul is heavy. I don’t want to explore this!

I shouldn’t watch these crime scene shows

Pip

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