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It’s a fairy kind of day

5 April, 2013

My head is off with the fairies today (and if I’m honest possibly the last couple of days. My concentration is shot. I only seem to be able to deal with things for short bursts of time before I’m distracted again. My gassy indigestion has flared again since a light breakfast of brown bread and salmon.

Today (Friday) is one of those lighter mornings in work. It’s a colleague’s 60th birthday and while we usually stop work for a morning tea, this morning we went to greater lengths and more food on offer.

I had a half ham and cheese toastie, piece of cake and half a peppermint square (made by my daughter). I’ve left morning tea with growing tightness in my tummy and horrible belching. Nothing seems to help and Dr Google didn’t help too much other to point out that perhaps it was due to insufficient stomach acids. I ate a yoghurt and it got worse. I cried.

Now I’m getting afraid to touch food. I can’t live on coffee alone. I can’t even seem to enjoy ice-cream after last night’s bout of belching. I’d feel better going to my GP if I had pain with it or acid reflux – then I’d feel I could do something about it but this just feels silly.

What strikes me as odd though is some times when I eat there is no reaction but eat any more than say a sushi stick and kaboom! That’s like half a burger (not that I’m a McDonalds fan mind) and I hate to see food going to waste.

What used to be an occasional thing when I started on these meds has turned into an almost daily thing. The dread doesn’t help before eating and the rising stress levels can’t help acids or normal body functioning either. And I’m exhausted. Drained. Just want to give up the fight.

Back to the distractions…

It takes huge amount of effort for me to stay on point or come back to where I should be. I feel like I’m living my life in Twitter-size chunks – capable of 140 characters per thought, per action, before the brain jumps onto the next thing.

I see this summer meadow filled with summer blooms with butterflies and bumble bees filling the air as they bumble around from flower to flower, a touch here and off again to find another one, to stop briefly before flying off again. The air is full of all this activity but nothing is stable underneath the dithering – that’s me.

The bumblebee

Pip

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