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A shift in mood

5 March, 2013

The bitch in me came out the last couple of days. The one in which I was looking at my hubby and watching him being his cranky pants and me finding it humorous – at his expense.

I watched as everything seemed to be an irritant to him and there was I sitting in my little serene bubble that I haven’t had for ages.

As I admonished hubby for losing his cool my eldest rose to his defence saying I was just as bad constantly needling him. This morning I realised he was right.

Hubby is extremely stressed over the car having no fuel – something we need to get into work. This time instead of providing the solution though I did actually pray and ask God to help us out with this.

We have been really dumb with finance and have multiple credit cards (something I tell the kids to never take out) and they are up at the limit. The barely saving grace is that when you make a payment you hope you can at least spend a bit of that payment again – yes I know we will never get rid of our debt that way.

Anyway hubby is saying he only brought his cards back to their limit and there is nothing available in them to use. I have one card that does have about $40 in it – enough for a bit of petrol but doesn’t allow for the pet food we also need to get. Funnily enough though I’m still not stressing about this potential nightmare.

It was at the stage yesterday that hubby seemingly in denial and I actually don’t know if he’d checked the accounts or was just assuming there was no money anywhere. He wasn’t sharing and if he did talk it was hard and not approachable.

I on the otherhand have managed to find some money without punishing us unmercifully but haven’t let him know – he knows it exists but maybe forgot about this account.

In one way he needs to know it’s there. In another way he needs to “discuss” our options rather than freaking out. On one hand I am taking perverse pleasure in his stress and that is where a little shame filters in but it could so easily be dismissed.

It always seems to come down to me to rescue the situation. To cook out of nothing, to find money to scrap together a meal worthy of being eaten by hungry souls – my mind goes back many years when I had to shop on a measly budget and I was still able to provide. He never seemed all that grateful about it when given a wholesome but non-gourmet meal.

I don’t know when the money will hit our main accessible account – I presume it will be overnight but if he finds out I worry that he will spend the money on irrelevant things as he did recently when I gave him $20 and instead of making it last he went to a restaurant for lunch. It’s his loss I guess how he spends his money and if he blows it in one go then it’s his responsibility. I need to stop mothering him! Smack!

Another thing he was stressing about as if it was my fault was that he’d run out of his meds as of today. Again, I don’t know what his plan is but instead of discussing things he just ranted this morning (and I was smug).

After the eldest and I got dropped off in town he was hoping for a coffee – he’s another one who doesn’t seem to know the value of money – spending all of his on clothes and tattoos. Anyway, due to leaving the house this morning in my smugness I didn’t make a coffee to bring with me. Instead I’ve ended up paying for two! I really should break this habit!

As we walked up to our old favourite coffee shop I got my telling off from the eldest. He seems to have all the answers, as a typical 19 year old does.

I was reminded of how if my husband has to tell the dogs off that they rarely listen to him without him having to fully raise his voice. Usually I have to get stern with them and they will listen.

Last night however our beagle jumped up onto the couch where he sits near me. Unfortunately for him the eldest had been sitting there and would be returning. So he gave a stern talking to to the beagle. After being hunted off the couch a couple of times it just took the eldest to point his finger at the beagle after I’d try coaxing him close and the beagle would sit back down in obedience.

While this might have been hilarious, and the look on the dog’s face was priceless, it was a glimpse into the authority that the eldest had that hubby doesn’t.

I don’t know why hubby seems to be lacking in that authority but he doesn’t have it with the pets, me or the kids. Maybe we all know that deep down he’s a softie. It’s just been hiding for so long behind his anger.

Hubby’s just apologised for losing his temper – he said it was at me not the issues. I also said I didn’t take it personally – oops, but took perverse pleasure in him losing his rag. I don’t think he’ll be pleased about that.

Better get back to some work

Pip

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