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5 February, 2013

Back working the 9-5 and it was a relief yesterday morning to have a lie in from 6.30am to 6.45am but not have to stress about leaving the house until 7.45am. With this new change of pace and my need for a coffee though, I still managed to make myself late for work. Oops

After work I had a couple of hours to kill before I could collect the eldest from work so I went for a bike ride which is around 30km (20 miles) for an hour and 10 minutes. At first I thought I was doing damage to my knee and leg as I pedaled but I think it straightened my leg, which had been aching during the day from me sitting cross-legged at work – I know, I know, my bad!

Last night I took my 100mg Largactil and tried to unwind. That went well and I fell asleep fairly quickly. 3.50am hit and I woke with a thumping headache in the front of my head and to the right side.

Initially I wondered if it might be the start of a caffeine withdrawal headache as I hadn’t had buckets of coffee as it throbbed while I lay still. I was awake though and got up to get some warm milk, Nurofen and caught up on Facebook in the lounge with the cat for a while.

An hour later I glanced at my clock again wondering if sleep would return. Thankfully it did but it was filled with dreams of a bizarre nature. Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) was in them, trippy rooms with strange walls and writing on them, my childhood home, my step mother playing a kids game out on the street.

6.45am rolled around and I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. It took me 3 snoozes before I was asked for coffee money and I groggily went down to get some. I was too tired to even make a coffee before getting up for the day! Instead I sat on my steps with one of the cats having cuddles.

Time to leave, bring the teens into town for a coffee and me to head into work.

Again, another fast walk for a morning coffee, (met the teens there) and then into work on time. Yay!

I notice today that my mood is quiet. I’m not fully interacting today as I had been, preferring to be on my own in the crowd (the office has around 10 people in a couple of rooms) and get on with some filing.

It was while I was filing I pondered “Am I happy?” and was unable to answer that question.

Just yesterday I was busy enrolling in Open University to start me off studying towards a Psychology degree. Just yesterday I was trying to find books for Uni. Just yesterday I was pro-active and feeling positive (positively mad too), although I don’t know where this journey will take me on. I know it will also take me the guts of 6 years to achieve this degree. Something I have to keep in mind for the long haul.

Today though, I am pensive. I’m waiting for books, waiting for mail (I love parcels), waiting to start this phase.

Maybe it’s tiredness on top of hormones. I have to hope it’s hormones that fluctuate rather than meds suddenly not working.

Onwards one step at a time, capturing those thoughts that bind me and hold me hostage.

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